So I am not a big fan of using words like "right" or "wrong" but if I am going to ever use them, I think I will use them now. I have done something very wrong. I have disobeyed this very sage advice: "allow yourself permission to enjoy the adventure of life". If every bit of life is "planned" then it is not an adventure. Oh, and sorry to break it to you but if you think you are adventurous just because you are visiting a cool city or country but you have a full blown itinerary (that you will rigidly stick to) that doesn't make you adventurous. The destination may be adventurous but you aren't. I know, I'm harsh sometimes.
When I was moving to San Francisco, I was so impressed with myself. Wow, "I'm so adventurous" I thought. I also thought, "I am not the kind of person who needs a meticulous life plan, I can go with the flow and figure it out as I go along". What I failed to note is that I am go with the flow for about two weeks, you know, just about as long as a good vacation. I started to fall apart once we were into week three. All of a sudden, I couldn't stand not having one constant in the midst of change. I wanted to know where I would be living, working, and visiting New York again. I wanted to know EVERYTHING. The idea of not having any answers started to cause an insane amount of fear and anxiety within me. All of a sudden, I was fragile. I was afraid. I thought if what I "want" and "need" doesn't manifest now, will I never "have" it? I am using an excessive amount of quotation marks because I realize that what I think I "want" and "need" aren't always truly what I should "have". What the heck do I really know in comparison to the awesome universe? It truly does have a supreme plan for you. It's as if you were trying to compete with your friend who is an event planner on throwing an amazing halloween party (stay with me on this one). Instead of just going to her awesome party that runs so seamlessly and every detail is accounted for, you decide to throw your own party. You stress yourself out, forget a bunch of things and impose experiences on people that you think are cool but really aren't. Why did you resist the expert? Why didn't you just go to the damn party instead of competing with it? This is like you VS the universe and if this comparison is hard to follow, just think of bridesmaids. You (in this case me) are trying to fight the universe and totally think you know what is best when the universe is the one who knows what is best. What's missing in order to get rid of the anxiety and let the universe take over? Trust. Faith. And detachment. You can not be so attached to an outcome. Even when you are Type A and an OCD planner, you can't avoid every circumstance that life presents. There is always going to be stuff that we couldn't have foreseen or planned for. In my case, I exhausted myself from all of the stress and I am giving into the universe this week for two reasons: 1. because I am freaking tired and 2. because I am reading Deepak Chopra's The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success and it is helping me achieve a different POV. His ridiculously soothing voice and logic, have managed to talk me off the ledge. Join me this week in experiencing detachment and having a little bit of faith. Link to the book is below in case it can help you too. I hope my honesty with my journey can help you in some way, shape or form. Wishing you endless light, peace and love.